Ten years ago... I had just moved to a new city, a tad over age 30... and more than a bit worried about being single. I was living with my cousin and his wife for a few months, and in one conversation with her about my dating life, I said, "If I don't find someone soon, I might never have kids!"
Because when you're 32, people are constantly warning you about your waning fertility. Don't worry, they shut up when you turn 40 - which is equally hurtful.
She told me not to worry about it. Unless I was planning to have a child without a husband, there was no point worrying about it.
That's hard to accept. We like to think we can control what we want to control, even though we know full well that we can't.
So I had a long talk with myself. Could I be okay with it if I never had children? Yes, I decided, at age 32, that I guess I could be okay with it.
That lasted about a year. Until one day I was driving in a homey neighborhood and it hit me. "If I never have children, I'll never have grandchildren. And that is NOT OKAY!"
Quite frankly, that's when I got a bit panicky about finding a husband. I didn't want to grow old alone.
I couldn't imagine a life in old age, and not having any grandchildren stopping in to visit me. Can you imagine having no family in your old age? That's terrifying.
But I've just made a discovery.
I've realized that now, at my age (a touch over 40) you just have date divorced men. Men who have reached 42-43 or older having never been married or had kids... you know what, they're just not right. I know the same could be said for women... and I'll get into that some other time. My nutshell answer... women don't do the asking.
Anyway... when you date divorced men, they tend to have kids.
One man I've been getting to know has a son who is 20.
Another man has three kids... one who will graduate from high school soon. And it dawned on me... step-mothers, in healthy family relationships, get to be grandmothers!!
Why that never occurred to me before, I don't know. My own, dear nieces and nephew have three sets of grandparents. The woman who was someone's step-mother - is just as much their grandmother as their parent's mothers.
This is so exciting to me!
If I were to be so blessed to have a husband, I would accept any children God gave me. At the age I am now, I'm not sure I would choose to start a family any more. If God ordains that... sure. I'll do what He calls me to do.
If I'm not called to have children, that's okay too.
But having Grandchildren just became more likely than having children!!! I LOVE that!
(this post dedicated to the wonderful woman who was the 'third grandma' in our family - please give an eternal hug to my daddy when you see him! We were blessed to know you.)
8 hours ago